Advice from strangers.
If you have kids, you are going to hear advice (asked or not), from everyone. Most of the time, it's from people you know. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not. And sometimes, it is rude.
Usually, the rude advices comes from strangers. Here in Germany, I have have three (3) encounters with strangers involving 'advice' regarding my kids. Two of those instances were relatively benign. The third was not.
The first encounter was with a German mom at one of the local Kinder Cafes*. I had gone to the kindercafe thinking, "Hey, I can hang out with some other moms and Olivia can play". Then I realized that walls blocked half of the kindercafe off from the front end (where the parents hang out). After a few minutes of Olivia trying to pilfer other people's food items, snagging toys from other kids, and in general being a bit of a bruiser, I was rethinking the decision to go. So you can imagine how mortified I was when a German mom approached me with her little bespectacled boy in tow. Here I was, in a kindercafe, trying and failing to have a conversation with other adults, all the while keeping an eye on Olivia. As I had not been completely successful at any of it, I was expecting the worst.
The woman (who started speaking to me in German then switched then to English as soon as what I can only describe as the 'my german classes did not prepare me for your native German speaking' look appeared on my face) told me I should probably put up Olivia's hair because eye health is an important thing and I should be careful about her eyes. Because her son was blind in one eye and had poor vision in the other, and eye health is important. Delighted that I wasn't being admonished for a horrible crime committed by my child, I just nodded and smiled and thanked her for the advice.
The second incident occurred on the plane ride back to Germany from the US. Our plane was descending and (predictably) Wyatt started screaming from the pressure change in his ears. Because he's a baby and doesn't know better. As I had been breastfeeding him, and I did not bring a pump with me onto the plane all I could do was offer him a sucker and massage the area around his ears in a desperate attempt to help his ears equalize. It was at this point a German couple behind us offered the always helpful tip that we should give him a bottle. Again, it wasn't a particularly malicious statement, they were really trying to be helpful. After explaining that we didn't have a bottle to give him because he'd been breastfed on the plane, they gave up. Wyatt's ears (thankfully) cleared not long after that.
The third, and hopefully final (in Germany) incident occurred while we were waiting for our bags after said flight. To set the scene, I am sitting on the floor in front of his car carrier. I have set out a changing pad on the floor and am midway through cleaning him up/changing him when a man approaches me, speaking in German. Wyatt was not happy again, as it turned out, because he needed a diaper change and by that time another feeding. So I started to change him in the only space available to me, a corner of the luggage claim where I could change him as quickly as any parent can change the diaper of a very unhappy baby. Wyatt is still howling in an angry manner. I turn over to look at this man and tell him that I don't understand what he's saying, then go back to changing Wyatt. To which, he responds in english, "Don't you think you should hold your baby? You should hold your baby to stop him from crying." Without turning around, I say loudly (as I am finishing up changing my baby's diaper) that no, my baby's diaper needs to be changed, and that he is hungry.
To which he replies, "You should hold your baby to stop him from crying. Don't you think you should show him some affection?"
At this point, I realize that this isn't a person trying to be helpful. This is a textbook example of an asshole. This is also about the time when I turn and notice the guy is actually standing over me saying this stuff. As we are not tourists, I have to hold my tongue a lot. But in my head I am thinking...
At this point Mike (who has been waiting for our luggage and entertaining Olivia) has noticed this guy bothering me. He is bee-lining toward us with Olivia in tow, yelling at this guy to get away from us and to leave us alone. The guy eventually leaves, but not before repeating his initial comments a few more times.
I actually started this post in August. I have revisited it a number of times since, trying to give myself some space from the day of the incident and now for clarity. I think it's because (for the most part) our time here in Berlin (and elsewhere in Germany) has been great. So when crazy things like this happen it is so jarring you just have to sit back for a second because it's a bit of a shock because 99% of your time here is pretty sweet.
*For those of you wondering what a kinder cafe is, it's a place you can take your kid to play indoors. They also serve a limited menu of food and drink, and you pay for your kids admission when you leave. It's usually a couple of euro for the admission so it's not going to really break the bank, but it is a place to go when the weather sucks so long as its near you.
Usually, the rude advices comes from strangers. Here in Germany, I have have three (3) encounters with strangers involving 'advice' regarding my kids. Two of those instances were relatively benign. The third was not.
The first encounter was with a German mom at one of the local Kinder Cafes*. I had gone to the kindercafe thinking, "Hey, I can hang out with some other moms and Olivia can play". Then I realized that walls blocked half of the kindercafe off from the front end (where the parents hang out). After a few minutes of Olivia trying to pilfer other people's food items, snagging toys from other kids, and in general being a bit of a bruiser, I was rethinking the decision to go. So you can imagine how mortified I was when a German mom approached me with her little bespectacled boy in tow. Here I was, in a kindercafe, trying and failing to have a conversation with other adults, all the while keeping an eye on Olivia. As I had not been completely successful at any of it, I was expecting the worst.
The woman (who started speaking to me in German then switched then to English as soon as what I can only describe as the 'my german classes did not prepare me for your native German speaking' look appeared on my face) told me I should probably put up Olivia's hair because eye health is an important thing and I should be careful about her eyes. Because her son was blind in one eye and had poor vision in the other, and eye health is important. Delighted that I wasn't being admonished for a horrible crime committed by my child, I just nodded and smiled and thanked her for the advice.
The second incident occurred on the plane ride back to Germany from the US. Our plane was descending and (predictably) Wyatt started screaming from the pressure change in his ears. Because he's a baby and doesn't know better. As I had been breastfeeding him, and I did not bring a pump with me onto the plane all I could do was offer him a sucker and massage the area around his ears in a desperate attempt to help his ears equalize. It was at this point a German couple behind us offered the always helpful tip that we should give him a bottle. Again, it wasn't a particularly malicious statement, they were really trying to be helpful. After explaining that we didn't have a bottle to give him because he'd been breastfed on the plane, they gave up. Wyatt's ears (thankfully) cleared not long after that.
The third, and hopefully final (in Germany) incident occurred while we were waiting for our bags after said flight. To set the scene, I am sitting on the floor in front of his car carrier. I have set out a changing pad on the floor and am midway through cleaning him up/changing him when a man approaches me, speaking in German. Wyatt was not happy again, as it turned out, because he needed a diaper change and by that time another feeding. So I started to change him in the only space available to me, a corner of the luggage claim where I could change him as quickly as any parent can change the diaper of a very unhappy baby. Wyatt is still howling in an angry manner. I turn over to look at this man and tell him that I don't understand what he's saying, then go back to changing Wyatt. To which, he responds in english, "Don't you think you should hold your baby? You should hold your baby to stop him from crying." Without turning around, I say loudly (as I am finishing up changing my baby's diaper) that no, my baby's diaper needs to be changed, and that he is hungry.
To which he replies, "You should hold your baby to stop him from crying. Don't you think you should show him some affection?"
At this point, I realize that this isn't a person trying to be helpful. This is a textbook example of an asshole. This is also about the time when I turn and notice the guy is actually standing over me saying this stuff. As we are not tourists, I have to hold my tongue a lot. But in my head I am thinking...
At this point Mike (who has been waiting for our luggage and entertaining Olivia) has noticed this guy bothering me. He is bee-lining toward us with Olivia in tow, yelling at this guy to get away from us and to leave us alone. The guy eventually leaves, but not before repeating his initial comments a few more times.
I actually started this post in August. I have revisited it a number of times since, trying to give myself some space from the day of the incident and now for clarity. I think it's because (for the most part) our time here in Berlin (and elsewhere in Germany) has been great. So when crazy things like this happen it is so jarring you just have to sit back for a second because it's a bit of a shock because 99% of your time here is pretty sweet.
*For those of you wondering what a kinder cafe is, it's a place you can take your kid to play indoors. They also serve a limited menu of food and drink, and you pay for your kids admission when you leave. It's usually a couple of euro for the admission so it's not going to really break the bank, but it is a place to go when the weather sucks so long as its near you.
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