Thoughts about life during a purge.
It is almost the end of February now. I have been slowly but surely eliminating the crap we have built up around the apartment from two years of living in Berlin. Between purging junk and dealing with kiddos, I have had a lot of time to think about the "FS Life", and form what i've learned in the almost five years we have been doing it into a list I keep revising as I think of new things. I realize that almost five years is nothing compared to some people that have been doing this for ten, twenty or more years. But length of time spent doing something doesn't make a person's experiences or thoughts on the matter more or less valid. As this is my own personal blog, I would like to reiterate that what I am about to say will a) probably piss someone or many someones off, and b) is my own opinion, and is not representative of the US government, the State Department, or any other agency. Also, I tend to be pretty catty, mean and sarcastic. You have been warned.
My list of things I have learned so far in the "FSLife"*
1. You need to do your own research. On everything. Like your new post, getting to your new post, getting pets to your new post, where everything is when you get there, what is available, what can you get online and how you can get it delivered to post. Everything. Even how to clean out your foreign washing machine and dryer, so they will actually clean and dry your clothing. No one is going to do it for you. You have to find the information on your own. Sure there are places you can go that act as a kind of clearinghouse (the departments intranet, online expat groups, etc.) but they only help so much.
2. You will feel alone, on multiple occasions. It doesn't matter how much you love your post, or how well you think you have adapted, or how much you proclaim to anyone that will listen that you are a special snowflake 'citizen of the world' it will happen to you. Anything can trigger it, but usually what does is a reminder of home.
3. Where you live, if you work at the Embassy or school, and size of post, determines how many other Embassy people you will have in your social circle. If you are at a big post, and there is a lot to do on the economy, you'll likely do things on your own (with your spouse and any children you have) unless you go on a CLO sponsored trip or the Marine Ball. If you are a spouse of a generalist (not specialist), you can get into Embassy representational events. If you are the spouse of a specialist that is not the head of their department, you are SOL. If you live far away from everyone else, and you are at a big post expect 'out of sight, out of mind' to be the rule, not the exception for how often you will hear from others or how many people will even know you exist at post. At small posts this is the opposite, mainly because there are fewer of you, and usually everyone is bored out of their skull looking for stuff to do and people to go with. If you work at the Embassy or Consulate, or local US sponsored school, you will make friends with other expats. If you do not work, you are SOL. Prepare to start doing research (NUMBER 1) and maybe find a Meetup group, or expat group in your area that speaks a language you speak. Or take a language class on the economy (if available) to better learn your host country's language (making your life easier) and meet others in the same boat as you, maybe. If you have kids not in school, maybe put together your own playgroup.
4. Don't lie to people about the post you are at. People will appreciate it if you don't lie to them about post. Lots of people like to tell you all the good things about a post and omit anything that might be negative. While this might seem like it's the 'diplomatic' or 'good' or 'right' thing to do it is not. It's lying. If you tell people the good and the bad about life at post, they are better prepared for what to expect when they get to post. It's not going to sour their perception. If you are someone's sponsor, don't lie. If you are a CLO, don't lie. Tell the truth. You don't want to be the person who said you need to bring canned vegetables to post when good, fresh fruits and veggies were available, along with half of the other items listed on the consumables list. Don't be that person. No one likes that person.
5. There is social stratification in the State Department that has been around since the OLD DAYS. Expect to bump into it even though it is slowly dying. You will meet a lot of really cool people that work for the State Department. You will also run into less-than-cool people. People who, upon hearing you are a spouse, will treat you like you don't exist or matter. From what I have been able to determine, these are the OLD SCHOOL people (either people who have been around forever, or those who learned from people who have been around forever). The previously mentioned NUMBER 3 on this list will also affect how high or how low you are on this list. To be clear, lots of people are not like this. Most you meet will be really nice. But you will run into a bad apple (or more) ever now and then, so be prepared. Also keep in mind that this schemata also applies to many other aspects of your life at post, and what additional resources are available to the Direct Hire and their family in DC.
6. Not everyone gets time in DC for language before heading to post. If language training is deemed 'non-essential' to the direct hire going to post, they are not going to get any training before they head to post. You are not going to get training, either. Makes no sense whatsoever, but that's how it is. If you are going to a post where the internet sucks, online Rosetta Stone language training is worthless. Any language training you get (person to person training) is either going to be on your dime (if available on the local economy) or available in 45 minute increments at the Embassy or Consulate, depending on how much space is available in the classes offered.
*Not a complete list, just what I can remember!
My list of things I have learned so far in the "FSLife"*
1. You need to do your own research. On everything. Like your new post, getting to your new post, getting pets to your new post, where everything is when you get there, what is available, what can you get online and how you can get it delivered to post. Everything. Even how to clean out your foreign washing machine and dryer, so they will actually clean and dry your clothing. No one is going to do it for you. You have to find the information on your own. Sure there are places you can go that act as a kind of clearinghouse (the departments intranet, online expat groups, etc.) but they only help so much.
2. You will feel alone, on multiple occasions. It doesn't matter how much you love your post, or how well you think you have adapted, or how much you proclaim to anyone that will listen that you are a special snowflake 'citizen of the world' it will happen to you. Anything can trigger it, but usually what does is a reminder of home.
3. Where you live, if you work at the Embassy or school, and size of post, determines how many other Embassy people you will have in your social circle. If you are at a big post, and there is a lot to do on the economy, you'll likely do things on your own (with your spouse and any children you have) unless you go on a CLO sponsored trip or the Marine Ball. If you are a spouse of a generalist (not specialist), you can get into Embassy representational events. If you are the spouse of a specialist that is not the head of their department, you are SOL. If you live far away from everyone else, and you are at a big post expect 'out of sight, out of mind' to be the rule, not the exception for how often you will hear from others or how many people will even know you exist at post. At small posts this is the opposite, mainly because there are fewer of you, and usually everyone is bored out of their skull looking for stuff to do and people to go with. If you work at the Embassy or Consulate, or local US sponsored school, you will make friends with other expats. If you do not work, you are SOL. Prepare to start doing research (NUMBER 1) and maybe find a Meetup group, or expat group in your area that speaks a language you speak. Or take a language class on the economy (if available) to better learn your host country's language (making your life easier) and meet others in the same boat as you, maybe. If you have kids not in school, maybe put together your own playgroup.
4. Don't lie to people about the post you are at. People will appreciate it if you don't lie to them about post. Lots of people like to tell you all the good things about a post and omit anything that might be negative. While this might seem like it's the 'diplomatic' or 'good' or 'right' thing to do it is not. It's lying. If you tell people the good and the bad about life at post, they are better prepared for what to expect when they get to post. It's not going to sour their perception. If you are someone's sponsor, don't lie. If you are a CLO, don't lie. Tell the truth. You don't want to be the person who said you need to bring canned vegetables to post when good, fresh fruits and veggies were available, along with half of the other items listed on the consumables list. Don't be that person. No one likes that person.
5. There is social stratification in the State Department that has been around since the OLD DAYS. Expect to bump into it even though it is slowly dying. You will meet a lot of really cool people that work for the State Department. You will also run into less-than-cool people. People who, upon hearing you are a spouse, will treat you like you don't exist or matter. From what I have been able to determine, these are the OLD SCHOOL people (either people who have been around forever, or those who learned from people who have been around forever). The previously mentioned NUMBER 3 on this list will also affect how high or how low you are on this list. To be clear, lots of people are not like this. Most you meet will be really nice. But you will run into a bad apple (or more) ever now and then, so be prepared. Also keep in mind that this schemata also applies to many other aspects of your life at post, and what additional resources are available to the Direct Hire and their family in DC.
6. Not everyone gets time in DC for language before heading to post. If language training is deemed 'non-essential' to the direct hire going to post, they are not going to get any training before they head to post. You are not going to get training, either. Makes no sense whatsoever, but that's how it is. If you are going to a post where the internet sucks, online Rosetta Stone language training is worthless. Any language training you get (person to person training) is either going to be on your dime (if available on the local economy) or available in 45 minute increments at the Embassy or Consulate, depending on how much space is available in the classes offered.
*Not a complete list, just what I can remember!
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