Nepenthe
We are leaving Mérida.
I am going to miss Mérida.
I know that statement seems at odds with my previous writings, but I will miss the city and its people. After almost a year here, my Spanish (which had withered from years of neglect) has improved dramatically. I have made acquaintances (both expat and locals) that could have probably become full-fledged friends had we stayed here the full three years. One of them might still become a long-term friend, but we'll see. You come to accept that friendships made in this life are what you put into them. Sometimes, this ends up being a one-way street despite your best intentions.
My plan of visiting as many archaeological sites in the region is pretty much at its end. I would like to visit at least one more site, but realistically I probably won't. We've just run out of time. It turns out that you can only squeeze so many sites in between work, school, people getting sick, poor weather, and any other roadblock life throws at you. Would I like to come back here to see more of the Yucatan, and visit even more sites? Of course. But right now we're more concerned with our next landing spot (and getting the kids in school when we get there) than future vacation plans.
Our departure has gone from the 'if' stage to 'when' now. As such, we are in a weird limbo state, where we don't have a set anything (onward assignment, packout, departure). We're just here, between the end of our time in the Yucatan and whatever comes next, existing. Waiting. Working down the food in the fridge. Tossing, donating and putting away things. Unsure as to when the next step will be, and uneasy as a result. There is no section in A Guide to the Foreign Service that covers this. Certainly, you'll find information on culture shock and reverse culture shock (and how to cope or work through it). But not this.
That isn't to say the topic hasn't been written about elsewhere. There are actually a number of articles and academic papers on the subject of managing risk and uncertainty. A lot of it relates to economics, or more specifically, the stock market. But there are also articles dealing with the personal impact of risk and uncertainty. For those of you who want to read in depth articles about risk and uncertainty management, i'm just going to leave this link here.
For those of you who fall into the TL:DR category, here's the gist of it: people will generally manage uncertainty and risk with a combination of rational and irrational strategies. Weighing your pros and cons about the future with the facts at hand, planning for contingencies, gathering as much information as you can- these are all rational strategies. Emotions, intuition, trust, hope, faith are irrational strategies for dealing with risk and uncertainty.
Assembling a NOW list, and researching what posts provide the best school option for your children (on said list) are rational strategies. Searching for affordable rentals in CONUS is a rational strategy...although I suppose some would lump it into the irrational category when it comes to DC (HA!). The happiness and excitement you feel about a post when the schools come back and say they have openings for your kids this late in the application process, that's irrational strategy.
It is also an irrational strategy to lie awake in the small hours hoping that a school will take your child as a student and give them a chance even though they have needs beyond what a regular student requires. Placing you faith in strangers to decide that yes, your spouse should be the one to fill that NOW position. That everything will be ok in the end. That a year from now, you will be laughing about all of this, around a table with good food and equally good friends.
I am looking forward to that day, a year from now. I hope it plays out like that.
I am going to miss Mérida.
I know that statement seems at odds with my previous writings, but I will miss the city and its people. After almost a year here, my Spanish (which had withered from years of neglect) has improved dramatically. I have made acquaintances (both expat and locals) that could have probably become full-fledged friends had we stayed here the full three years. One of them might still become a long-term friend, but we'll see. You come to accept that friendships made in this life are what you put into them. Sometimes, this ends up being a one-way street despite your best intentions.
My plan of visiting as many archaeological sites in the region is pretty much at its end. I would like to visit at least one more site, but realistically I probably won't. We've just run out of time. It turns out that you can only squeeze so many sites in between work, school, people getting sick, poor weather, and any other roadblock life throws at you. Would I like to come back here to see more of the Yucatan, and visit even more sites? Of course. But right now we're more concerned with our next landing spot (and getting the kids in school when we get there) than future vacation plans.
Our departure has gone from the 'if' stage to 'when' now. As such, we are in a weird limbo state, where we don't have a set anything (onward assignment, packout, departure). We're just here, between the end of our time in the Yucatan and whatever comes next, existing. Waiting. Working down the food in the fridge. Tossing, donating and putting away things. Unsure as to when the next step will be, and uneasy as a result. There is no section in A Guide to the Foreign Service that covers this. Certainly, you'll find information on culture shock and reverse culture shock (and how to cope or work through it). But not this.
That isn't to say the topic hasn't been written about elsewhere. There are actually a number of articles and academic papers on the subject of managing risk and uncertainty. A lot of it relates to economics, or more specifically, the stock market. But there are also articles dealing with the personal impact of risk and uncertainty. For those of you who want to read in depth articles about risk and uncertainty management, i'm just going to leave this link here.
For those of you who fall into the TL:DR category, here's the gist of it: people will generally manage uncertainty and risk with a combination of rational and irrational strategies. Weighing your pros and cons about the future with the facts at hand, planning for contingencies, gathering as much information as you can- these are all rational strategies. Emotions, intuition, trust, hope, faith are irrational strategies for dealing with risk and uncertainty.
Assembling a NOW list, and researching what posts provide the best school option for your children (on said list) are rational strategies. Searching for affordable rentals in CONUS is a rational strategy...although I suppose some would lump it into the irrational category when it comes to DC (HA!). The happiness and excitement you feel about a post when the schools come back and say they have openings for your kids this late in the application process, that's irrational strategy.
It is also an irrational strategy to lie awake in the small hours hoping that a school will take your child as a student and give them a chance even though they have needs beyond what a regular student requires. Placing you faith in strangers to decide that yes, your spouse should be the one to fill that NOW position. That everything will be ok in the end. That a year from now, you will be laughing about all of this, around a table with good food and equally good friends.
I am looking forward to that day, a year from now. I hope it plays out like that.
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